Depression & Anxiety.. what do those words mean for me?

Depression and anxiety mean many things to everyone. Especially, to those who have been diagnosed, with one or both of them. There are so many different types of each, that  distinguishing between which is which and what is what, is not easy. Then, each of the types, have varying degrees as to how bad they are.

So how do we know if we have one or the other, possibly even both. Well, really WE don’t. THEY, (who ever THEY may be) say WE should go see a trained professional, aka, a doctor or psychiatrist for a diagnoses. That appointment will be filled with, a lot of talking on your part, and probably even some tears of pain and frustration. It is hard to say how many appointments you will have after that first one, but what ever it takes to “get better” we do.

I was diagnosed with having both depression and anxiety 13 – 15 years ago. I suck at keeping track of dates, so I stopped trying.. How did I know, there was something going on with me, with my head, inside of my head? I was driving through a town, that I had driven through at least 100 or so times, and out of no where, I felt like I could hardlybreathe, my heart was racing, and I was sweating. It freaked me out!! It took me a long time to figure out what was going on. It steadily got worse, then the mood swings started. Up one day, down the next day, some days were just ok, not up or down, then there are the really, really bad days. Those days are the worst, the mere sight of another human could set me off. Any little thing, it didn’t matter, my poor cats meow would send me into fits of anger.  I hated every thing around me. Then you have the days that you are quiet. Not a good quiet, the kind of quiet that means you are in your own head. Beating yourself up for everything and anything. You’re ugly, you’re a miserable person, nobody likes you. Why am I even here, no one would miss me if I were gone. Talk about mental abuse, that is exactly what I was doing to myself. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I knew I needed help, I knew what was happening to me and I knew, I wasn’t going to get any better.  I called the doctor, and set up the appointment. At my appointment, there was a lot of talking, and tears, but somehow I managed to get it all out. My Doctor told me what I had already guessed, I had anxiety and depression. We talked a bit more and he gave me my prescription. With in two weeks, I was starting to feel like myself again. Yes, it felt good, I could think clearly and I could smile and be happy again, I could still get upset, but didn’t go into a rage. I felt good!

I started wondering, how in the hell, does someone just develop depression and anxiety? You don’t, not really, for some, it can be hereditary, for others, it can be environmental. For me, I am not entirely sure how it came about. Could actually be both, I have a sibling who has been diagnosed with manic-depressive disorder, anxiety and, a few other things. That tells me, it very well could be hereditary, but at the same time, I had some things(that I will not go into now) happen to me as a child that could have started me on this road as well.

Growing up, I was the quiet one, the one you would see in the corner by them selves. Yet I was also very active, yea, I know, how the hell can you be both. It all depended on how safe I felt, who was around me. What type of people were they? Were they nice people, or judgmental people? It didn’t matter if it was family or my own age group, if I didn’t feel 100 % safe, I would not participate, I would stand-off to the side, and just watch. That is how I became, what I call, a watcher. Since I watched people so much, I could pick up on who I could trust or not. Even as a child, in elementary school, I knew. Watching people’s body movements, listening to how they talked, how they interacted with each other,  I could see a lot, and I did not like a lot, of what I was seeing. Now don’t get me wrong, I had my friends, people who I hung out with, but never fully trusted any of them. I didn’t really realize what I was doing, or even how I felt back then, I just knew I felt different. That feeling continued to follow me the whole way through school, and into my later years.  I wonder, could I have been developing a social disorder as a child? Maybe?

Finally getting out of school and into “real life”, having kids, getting married. My first marriage definitely had its ups and downs. We fought a lot, not just your typical fights. We had so many physical fights, that, I can’t even remember all of them. I remember the worst ones, and shit would fly and get broken. I had a cast on my hand at one point, having to explain that to people, was not fun. I was young, and I was tough, and I could give as good as I got, and I would fight back like my life depended on it. As the years went on, I stopped fighting back.  It was almost like a trigger for him, when I stopped fighting back, he started fighting with words, he got mentally abusive then. What I haven’t mentioned yet, he was also an alcoholic. Yes that matters, because alcohol would make him brave, he would do and say things, then not remember them the next day or he would remember them, and just not give a shit. How I felt, didn’t matter, what I thought, didn’t matter, what I felt, was stupid, what I thought, was stupid. That is how it went for quite a few years, constantly being told, that I didn’t matter and that I was stupid.  I finally gave up, I did, I just gave up. What happens, happens. What ended up happening was, one day he started to try to get physical, and got in my face. Instead of getting pissed and making him get away, I got scared and turned my back. I knew at that point, if I would have done anything to him, he would have hurt me. I mean, really hurt me. I don’t think I would have been able to stop him. I realized, I was scared of him, and that was not a good thing, I was not living like that. I packed me and my kids up and left, for the 10th time. Yes, the 10th time. We were separated for almost 3 months, and I went back.

I am a firm believer, in things happening for a reason, I believe this, as much as, I believe I need to breathe. I am going to take the chance, and tell you all, this next part, don’t piss me off by judging me, it’s not your place. Things happen for a reason, right? Right. When I moved us back in, there was now a strange man living in my basement. We called him the cellar dweller. I didn’t talk to him for the longest time, remember, I am a watcher. I watched him, I would watch how he interacted with other people, including my now ex-husband and my kids. I seen him with his family, because they would come to the house to visit him. I felt, that I had a pretty good idea as, to what kind of person he was. I don’t know if he had been watching me, the same way I was watching him or what, but out of the blue, he just started talking to me. We didn’t talk a whole lot at first, just a little here and there.  We slowly got to know each other, then one thing led to another, and I realized that I had fallen in love with the cellar dweller. No, I did not have an affair with him. When we both realized how we felt, I told him he had to leave, but, I would follow him after I told my husband the truth. That was a hard conversation, but I did it, and I am very glad I did.

Why did I feel the need to tell you all that, which is a mini version of my life’s history.  Well, goes back to the question of, how in the hell does someone just develop depression and anxiety?  This is what I have come up with for me. For 16 years of my adult life, I was in a volatile relationship, so, I had an outlet for all of the emotions I was feeling. I would be able to get everything out when we would fight. Looking back, I can see that the depression was there, just not fully manifested. It wasn’t until I met and married my husband,(who, by the way, is awesome, and the best thing that could have happened for me) that the depression and anxiety came out completely. There was no more fighting, so I didn’t have that release anymore, so it had the chance to completely manifest itself. If I was so happy, why did it manifest then? That doesn’t make any sense. Yes it does, because it does not matter, how happy, contented, in love and am loved I am. I still have the chemical imbalance in my brain, that says I have depression and anxiety. That, I will always have it. It will always be there, ready to strike at any moment. Sometimes it will take hold of me, and have me in some deep dark places for days.  I feel that I am one of the lucky ones, my depression is a mild case. I know, some of you have it much worse than I do, and struggle with it everyday. The struggle is very real, and very difficult. Just to be able to get out of bed some days is a struggle. Then, you have to find a way to cope with all the thoughts that are going through your mind, and all of the feelings you are having. I know your days are hard, and your nights are even harder, sometimes.

I want you all to know, you, are not alone in your struggles with depression and anxiety. There are many of us out here, with stories of our own. I shared only a small piece of mine with you today.  I hope that it helped take away some of the loneliness, that I know you feel, that I know we all feel. We are here, I am here. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you even suspect that you might have depression or anxiety, please call you family doctor, If they can not help you, they can refer you to someone who can. Please call them, don’t put it off any longer. If you don’t have depression or anxiety, but knows someone who does, please share my story with them, so they can know, they are not alone! 

Thank you so very much for being here with me today,

Restless leg syndrome; none of the typical things would help.

What a crappy thing to have, huh? I hate it to! I used to be able to cuddle on the couch with my hubby, can’t do that anymore. As soon as we get comfy, the legs start jumping and twitching around like they are running a freaking marathon. Pretty damn annoying. Taking long drives are out of the question too. We live about three hours from the ocean, and we would go down fishing for the day. I was fine for the drive down, but the drive home, forget it. The creepy crawly sensation would start, and then the jumping and twitching. I would be in tears by the time we would get home. Falling asleep as soon as you go to bed.. haha what the hell is that. I haven’t fallen asleep right away since this craziness started. I have tried, all the things people say to try, walking before you go to bed, deep knee bends, soap under the sheets…. none of it worked. I did take pills for a while, they did work, but I really hate taking pills. I started paying attention to what my body was trying to tell me. I paid attention to the positions I would lay in, certain positions made the jumping a lot worse, and some made it better. Now I have it figured out, this is what works for me.

 

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SLEEP LIKE A BABY

 

 
I have to scoot myself down far enough in the bed, so that my entire foot or feet hang off the bed. I lay half on my side and half on my stomach, with usually my right leg stretched straight out, with that foot being the one to hang off the bed. Then my left leg is bent up at the knee. Pay attention to the position your right foot is in, as it is hanging off the bed. Is it bent like it would be if you were standing. If it is, good, that is what you want. If it isn’t, pull the sheets and blankets tight onto your foot to help push it into that position, or scoot a little further down. Just make sure your toes are pointed straight down to the floor. Like I said, I have my left leg bent at the knee. Try it for a night or two, and see if it works for you. If it does great!! If there is a time when it stops working, and for those of you who this position, did not work for, try these next tips. Switch up which side you are sleeping on, and hang the other foot off of the bed. You can even try laying on your back, but if you do, make sure you keep at least one of your feet bent, as if you were standing. So if you are laying on your back, your toes should be pointed at the ceiling.

 

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NO MORE STUBBLE

Another thing I have figured out is, I have to keep my legs shaved. UGH, yep, all winter long. I have noticed, that if I don’t, that creepy crawly sensation gets really bad, and my legs will jump like crazy, no matter what position I try. I have no idea if this would work for men, it’s totally up to you, if you want to give it a try.
If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. I know what having this feels like, so, if I can help you, believe me, I will. These laying positions have helped me to fall asleep almost every night without any jumping at all. Every once in a while, I have to change-up which position to lay in, but always, one of them will work. I think these positions work, because by keeping your foot bent at the ankle, like it would be if you were standing, your brain thinks that you actually, are standing, and that keeps the legs from jumping. Give it a try, and let me know if it worked for you.

Here’s to hoping for some happy sleeping for you!
Thanks for being here with me today.

Devastating effects porn addiction has on your loved one: Story line

It will completely fucking destroy them!!

The End!

Chapter 1.

Handsome boy meets and marries a beautiful girl, his girl she was so amazing, she took extra care to make sure that she always looks beautiful for her husband, doing her hair just so and putting on her makeup and dressing for her handsome husband. She is thinking, she doesn’t ever want to give him a reason to look at another.  They have an excellent sex life, both being very attentive to the others needs. She just thinks he is the bomb in bed, he makes her feel things like no one else ever could. He makes her feel so sexy and so loved that when he suggests new things to try in bed that she just goes with it. Whether she feels comfortable with it or not. She is afraid to say no because, she doesn’t want him to look somewhere else.

Chapter 2.

We are a few years into the marriage and the husband suggest getting some porn for them to watch, again she says ok, knowing she was not into it. She pretended to enjoy it each time he suggested watching it. She didn’t want to upset him by telling him that it did absolutely nothing for her. Then one day he brings her home a surprise, she is so excited  and can’t wait to open it, he tells her that she has to wait till later, she doesn’t understand why but she says ok. Later that night after they go to bed he finally gives her the present to open, excited she opens it and was completely stunned by the big dildo staring her in the face, somehow she hid how shocked she was.. Hubby says come on let’s try it out. Wanting to please her husband, she does.

Chapter 3.

One day, the wife looks in the mirror and realizes she didn’t make herself up to look beautiful today, then she starts thinking.. when was the last time I made myself up.. she couldn’t remember. She blows it off, not thinking about it anymore. Yet she feels a sadness inside that she can’t quite put her finger on. She doesn’t know what she could possibly feel sad about. Her life was all that she could imagine it could be.

Chapter 4.

Hubby tells her there is a package coming in the mail and to set it aside, that he would open it when he got home.  Later that night, he says hey I got a new movie for us to watch tonight, let’s go back to the bedroom and relax and watch it.  They go back to watch the movie, she starts to get changed into her pajamas, he said no, here put this on instead, and pulls out a pair of barely there panties, garter, bra and hose. She had never worn anything like that before, she wasn’t even totally sure how to put the darn stuff on. He told her to go into the bathroom to change and he would put the movie in and get it ready. She did as he said, then came back to the bedroom, which was already dark except for the light of the television. He was  laying on the bed. Completely naked, and completely hard already. She was stunned by his display, yet did not say anything. She crawled into bed, trying to get under the covers but he wasn’t having any of that, he said.. I want to be able to see you. Then he turned the movie on… there on the screen was an orgy,  she closed her eyes, thinking this night would not end quick enough. When she opened her eyes, she could see that he was playing with himself.. wth she thought, he has never done that before. She looked over at his face, thinking that he would be staring at her, he wasn’t, he was staring hard at the screen. Knowing he was not watching her, she just kept her eyes closed. Feeling the movement on the bed and hearing faint noises coming from him rubbing himself and his breath, then she felt him touching her, wanting her to touch herself like he was doing.. she thought this night couldn’t get any worse, then it did.  He gets up and shoves his penis in her face and spit cum all over it. She thought she was going to throw up.

Chapter 5.

Months have gone by, everything seems normal, until one day, she looks in the mirror and hates everything she sees. I am so ugly, look at me, I am fat, I am a horrible person and it isn’t any wonder no one likes me. Yet who was really standing in that mirror was the same beautiful girl from chapter one. She didn’t see that person anymore. She didn’t feel like that person anymore, she was so sad all the time. She didn’t know why, she couldn’t figure it out.

Chapter 6.

She got onto the computer to finish reading something that she started reading the previous day. She opened up the history to find it and there staring her in the face was a full list of different porn sites. Now, she knew her way around the computer enough to be able to find the time he was looking at this stuff, because she didn’t remember him being on the computer at all.. The times were between two a.m. and five a.m. Three hours spent looking at porn. She was so upset, she couldn’t understand why he was even looking at that stuff, their sex life was great. He was doing things to her and making her feel things that she had never felt before.  That night she questioned him, he said oh its no big deal, he just couldn’t sleep and some stupid porn ad popped up and he just looked at it for a little bit. He was happy that she seemed good with that answer. She was for a little while, till she wakes up to find him not in bed, she thought maybe he fell asleep out on the couch, he didn’t. There he sat, naked from the waste down playing with himself staring at the computer screen that had two girls on it . She said nothing, she went quietly back to bed and cried herself back to sleep. The next day she looked in the history on the computer and it had been wiped clean.

Chapter 7.

With in the last year her health has been getting worse and worse, nothing to serious, just sick a lot. She doesn’t know what’s going on, it’s not like she ever goes out of the house. She doesn’t feel like being around anyone, not even her family. People in general just seem to annoy her. She is so angry and sad all the time, she hates the way she looks, she hates her body and, as she looks around the house and says oh its not bad I will clean it another day. She hasn’t even felt good enough to have sex with him. As a matter of fact,  she likes it better when he is at work. She doesn’t have to pretend then. She cringes when she hears his car pull in the driveway. Sometimes just the sight of him makes her sick to her stomach. It took her a long time to realize that it was actually him that she was feeling this way about. She didn’t know why though. Why was this handsome man that she married all those years ago now giving her feelings of dread.  She continued to live her life day by day, giving him sex when he wanted it, making excuses when she could, so that she didn’t have to feel his touch. She finally went to the doctors and told him how she was feeling, he gave her pills to help her depression and anxiety he said she had. She took them and it helped for a while.

Chapter 8.

Smart phones are in now, everyone has one. She has one, he has one, hell.. the five-year old down the street has one. Anything you can do on a computer you can now do on your phones.  When she get up and leaves the room, he picks up his phone and is looking at it and turns it off real quick when she come back. This went on for a long time, sometimes she wondered about it other times she made excuses for him, like well maybe he just doesn’t want me thinking that he is choosing his phone over me, maybe he is just being polite. Sometimes she could see that they were just words on the phone, so she thought she was  just imagining things. Since there hasn’t been any porn activity on the computer for a long time, maybe he stopped looking at it. That thought made her very happy, a happiness that she now knew, that she hadn’t felt in a long time. He came to her later that night wanting to have sex and she happily said yes. She fell asleep quickly afterwards, she felt so relaxed and so happy at the thought of him not looking at porn anymore. Sometime during the night, something wakes her up but she doesn’t move, there is a light coming from behind her, so she figures out a way to slowly roll over making it seem like she is still sleeping. It worked, and she was heartbroken all over again, there he was with his face in his phone watching porn and playing with himself… again.  She just closed her eyes and waited for it to be done and he would shut his phone off and go to sleep. It seemed like it took forever till she heard the tell tale signs of him finishing.  Then she just laid there wishing it wasn’t so.  In there bed.  Through the next year it happened more times that she can remember or even wants to think about.

Chapter 9.

That beautiful girl from chapter one is gone, in her place is just a shell now. The light that used to shine from her pretty eyes is long gone, in its place is darkness, nothing but darkness. There is rarely a smile on her lips, she never looks in the mirror anymore, she never puts on makeup or does her hair, why bother it’s not going to make her any prettier. She stopped dressing nice, why bother, she doesn’t look good in anything anymore.  Her friends and family call her, but she just makes excuses why she can’t talk, then hangs up. She just sits and stares blindly at the television, not really seeing what is on. Her thoughts right now are dark ones. No one would even miss me, I could just end this all now. She gets up and walks to the bathroom cabinet and gets her pills out. She is so tired of feeling like this, she just wants it to stop. Somewhere deep down she knows its wrong so she puts the pills away and just lives inside the shell that was once her. So many times her mind goes to that dark place and each time from somewhere deep down she stops. She screams at herself to just stop, she doesn’t want to feel like this anymore. She is tired and he doesn’t  even realize it. He doesn’t know how close to falling she is. He is so wrapped up in that fucking porn that he doesn’t see her anymore. He doesn’t see the darkness in her eyes or that a smile hasn’t touched her lips in a very long time. He doesn’t see that she has stopped caring about herself and everything and everyone around her. He doesn’t know, she just wants to end herself. He just doesn’t know.

Chapter 10.

She loses days now, she is just barely floating through her life. Trying to hold on and stay.  Her heart and mind battle daily, she just can’t take it anymore. He leaves for work comes home to dinner, they talk a little, not much, he is on his phone constantly now, whether she is in the room or not. They still have sex every once in a while, once a month maybe. She just can’t. She can’t bring herself to have sex with him. It just makes her sick to her stomach. She still catches him in the middle of the night, while laying in bed, looking at porn and playing with himself, but now she is starting to make quicker movements that interrupt his play time. He quickly shuts off his phone and lays completely still. Sometimes, she will get up and go to the bathroom or get a drink. When she comes back, he acts like he is sleeping. She can feel her feelings changing, she is starting to get really angry. The anger just keeps building inside of her till one day, she realizes she is not sad anymore. Now she is angry. She is angry at him for destroying the girl she used to be, she is angry at him for destroying the life they used to have, she is angry at him for not seeing how close she was to ending her own life so many times, because of him. Yes because of him!! She was also angry at herself for not saying no a long time ago, how was she to know he would get addicted to it and destroy everything they had good in their lives. She finally realized that everything that has happened was because of porn, and his addiction to porn. There was nothing wrong with her, she didn’t do anything wrong, she is the same girl she was a long time ago except now. SHE WAS ANGRY.

Chapter 11.

It happened again, this time with a quick movement she was out of bed not even giving him the chance to shut his phone off and pretend he was sleeping, he knew that she knew now. She left the room and went to the kitchen to get a drink and to settle down her nerves. She knew she was done dealing with this shit. What was she going to do, what was she going to say, she had no idea. All she knew was that she was DONE. She waited a couple of minutes and went back to the bedroom. She asked him if he was still awake he said yes. She turned the light on so he could see her face, and she left him have it, in the calmest, coldest manner. She confronted him about his addiction to porn, she told him she knew about everything, she told him about all the times she caught him in bed, and on the computer. The words that came out of her mouth would have made the devil blush. She told him about how it made her feel and how badly it hurt her. She told him, IT FUCKING DESTROYED HER to the point that she almost ended her own life. After she got everything she felt out, she allowed him to talk. He didn’t make any excuses, he didn’t lie, he knew she was right. Everything she through at him, she was right. She gave him a list of demands that he had to do, and that if he didn’t do them right away, that they were through. He knew she meant it, because she had never once ever spoke to him like that.  He did all that she asked and then some.

Chapter 12.

Porn addiction is no different from any other addiction, it is a daily struggle for the person who is addicted.  The effects it has on your loved ones though is truly devastating.  It strips them of their self-esteem, it gives them a feeling of worthlessness, like they are not good enough. That there is something wrong with them. They will become totally stagnant, they will not want to do anything, or go anywhere. They will become emotionless shells. It can cause them to go into a deep depression, it can cause them to have serious anxiety, it can completely destroy the person that you once knew. If you are lucky, you will not lose them. Hopefully your partner whether it be male or female is like the woman in this story. Hopefully the love they feel for you is still strong enough to want to help you get through this. Hopefully the love you feel for them is strong enough to make you want to stop what you are doing and get the help you need.  There is going to have to be complete transparency on your part from here on out,  your partner may or may not question your every move for a while. They will try to be as understanding as they can, at the same time they know what they went through, and they are not willing to have it happen again. So you will also have to be understanding with their actions as well. You and your partner are going to have a long road a head of you, if this is not something that you feel that you can do alone, then please, please look for help. Don’t go it alone.

There are three sites listed below to help you get started in your search for help.

I truly wish you the best! Take care!

Thank you for being here with me today.

 

 

https://www.addiction.com/addiction-a-to-z/porn-addiction/porn-addiction-101/

https://www.psychguides.com/guides/porn-addiction/

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity/pornography-and-virtual-infidelity

PORN ADDICTION: What does it mean

This is what Wikipedia says about it:

 Pornography addiction is an addiction model of compulsive sexual activity with concurrent use of pornographic material, despite negative consequences to one’s physical, mental, social, or financial well-being. Universally accepted diagnostic criteria do not exist for pornography addiction or problematic pornography viewing.[5] The rewarding and reinforcing (i.e., addictive) properties of cybersex have been evidenced using cue reactivity experiments with pornographic cues in humans, which supports the classification of cybersex addiction as a true behavioral addiction.[6]

click the link below for the full Wikipedia page.

https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Pornography_addiction&oldid=832916935

Porn addiction 101 says this:

Porn addiction occurs when the person viewing pornography, with or without masturbating, loses control over whether or not he/she will engage in that behavior. Porn addicts look at and use porn compulsively, despite consequences that include:
An inability to form lasting social and intimate romantic relationships
Intense feelings of depression, shame and isolation
Disintegration of relationships with family, friends and romantic partners
Loss of many hours, sometimes entire days, to porn use
Loss of interest in non-porn activities such as work, school, socializing, family and exercise
Trouble at work or in school (including reprimands and/or dismissal) related to poor performance, misuse of company/school equipment and/or public use of porn
Financial issues
Legal issues (usually related to illegal porn use)
Porn use combined with drug/alcohol abuse
Physical injury caused by compulsive masturbation
Sexual dysfunction with real-world partners, including erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation and an inability to reach orgasm

For the more information and treatment options please click the link below:

https://www.addiction.com/addiction-a-to-z/porn-addiction/porn-addiction-101/

PsychGuide.com:

not only addresses the addiction, they address the effects of the addiction on the wife. They also address the affects of porn on young men.

They also give many treatment options that you can look into.

Is My Husband Addicted to Porn?
Pornography addiction does not only affect the addict. It can also negatively impact the wellbeing of the individual’s wife or girlfriend. The addiction can cause the following feelings within the wife of a porn addict:
Rejection.
Betrayal.
Depression.
Abandonment.
Isolation.
Loneliness.
Humiliation.
Anger.
The majority of the women married to husbands addicted to porn meet the criteria for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a serious mental disorder, and require treatment.

For more information from PsychGuide please click the link below:

https://www.psychguides.com/guides/porn-addiction/

Focus on the family.com gives five stages of porn addiction:

Early exposure. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see the stuff when they are very young, and it gets its foot in the door.
Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You’re hooked. You can’t quit.
Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start using porn that would have disgusted you when you started. Now it excites you.
Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn’t excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can’t find it.
Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic images of porn to the real world.

#5 Acting out sexually sounds pretty damn dangerous to me.  There is a story related to #5 on the website.

They have a whole series on pornography and virtual infidelity that bears looking into so here is the link for the series.

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity/pornography-and-virtual-infidelity

Please if you think you are addicted to porn or, if you know someone who is addicted to porn look into finding yourself or them help. It will not get any better. I promise you that! Yes I know from personal experience and yes, it took me into the deepest darkest places of hell you never want to go to. Please find help!

Thank you so much for being here with me today.

Nikki

S0 YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR KIDS ARE DOING ONLINE

    Being a mom of two kids myself,  I need to say they did not grow up online. The  internet was around, we had computers, but they were not on them.  They did not have phones to carry around with them. Now if they needed online for a school project, then yes I would allow it. That was it though.  They had their video games and yes, I controlled that content to. I even used the parental control on the television. Drove my one child absolutely nuts and, you know what… I did not care! I am the parent, and, I am going to set the rules in my house. NOT MY KIDS. Who are now 28 and 29 years old.

    My hopes in writing this article is to bring awareness to parents about the possibility of what their children could actually be doing online and, the dangers behind it.

Could your child be one of the 20% of teens who have sent or posted semi-nude or nude photos of themselves? The actual breakdown for that is 22% teen girls, 11% of these teen girls are between the ages of 13-16,  18% teen boys.  15% of teens who have sent or posted semi-nude or nude photos of themselves sent them to people they only know online. 21% of girls and 39% of boys have sent them to people they wanted to hook up with. I am sure you get the idea. For a full in-depth look at all of the statistics you can follow this link.  https://www.guardchild.com/teenage-sexting-statistics/

Is your child at risk for being approached by an online predator?

In an article written by The University of New Hampshire   internet solutions for kids, They give you some at risk behaviors to look for.  In which they also give insight into the predator as well. The article is a long read, yet has a great deal of good information.

https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/amp-632111.pdf

Here is a small exert from that article for possible at risk children:

Youths with histories of sexual or physical  abuse, and other troubled youths, may be particularly vulnerable. Youth Internet users with histories of offline sexual or physical abuse appear to be considerably more likely to receive online aggressive sexual solicitations (Mitchell, Finkelhor, & Wolak, 2001; Mitchell et al., 2007b). Abused youths are more at risk for sexual victimization and exploitation in a variety of ways (Finkelhor, Ormrod, & Turner, 2007; Raj, Silverman, & Amaro, 2000). Abuse history could be related to emotional needs or developmental distortions that make some youths less able to assess and more responsive to inappropriate sexual advances (Berliner & Elliott, 2002; Rogosch, Cicchetti, & Aber, 1995). Some such youths may be vulnerable to online sexual advances because they are looking for attention and affection (Lanning, 2002). In addition, childhood trauma is associated with adolescent risk behavior, including risky sexual behavior (Wolfe et al., 2006). Further, the youths interviewed for the YISS-2 who engaged in high-risk interactive behavior had high rates of a variety of offline problems, including rule-breaking behavior, depression, and social interaction problems at the clinical or borderline level as measured by the Child Behavior Checklist (Wolak et al., in press). So, the youths most at risk may exhibit a wide range of problems. For some, prior abuse may trigger risky sexual behavior that directly invites online sexual advances. But delinquency, depression, and social interaction problems unrelated to abuse also may increase vulnerability. 

Now I am not going to give you this information with out also giving you a way to help combat the problem. I have compiled some sites for you to look at, in hopes that you can find something that will help you.

https://protectyoungminds.org/2017/08/10/pedophiles-hunt-kids-online/

https://www.fbi.gov/resources/parents

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/internet/03/23/safeonline.101/index.html

http://internetsafety101.org/

There are four very good sites to give you a great starting point at learning how to protect your children while they are online. I truly hope this help.

Thank you for being here with me today.

Nikki

Are you safe online?

I know that we all want to think we are.  If you think about it, everything we do is online these days. Every business you deal with is online in some form or another, from stores to banks. All of their records are online. School records are even online now. Every government agency there is, are online. So are you still feeling as safe?

How about this, all the sites that you belong to, everything that you post, all the beautiful pictures you post of your children, telling everyone about how wonderful your vacation is, telling people your day by day actions and plans. Do you really think a hanker can’t get to that stuff?  Just because you have your privacy set up “right” does not mean that they can not get to your information and/or possible to you. They will hack into your accounts, watch your every move. If you are posting about your day to day activities, well, now they know how to find you.  If their objective is possible robbery, well posting about your wonderful vacation just gave them the opportunity to empty all of the belongings from your home.

Here is a survey that was done in 2017. 1020 people were asked if any of their online accounts had ever been hacked.  32% said yes, 13% did not know, and 55% said no.

https://www.statista.com/statistics/380912/share-of-online-accounts-which-have-been-hacked/

If you want to see some for statistics, Here is the FBI’s 2016 IC3 report

https://www.ic3.gov/media/annualreport/2016_IC3Report.pdf

Now after seeing these two reports do you still feel safe?

Now for the touchy subject, the one we are all guilty of doing. Posting pictures of our children online. We all want to share our children, let our family and friends see the funny things they do, how much they are growing, how handsome or beautiful they are. I’m guilty of it, you are guilty of it, we all are. There are people online stealing photos of children right off of the parents web pages and social media accounts. It is called digital kidnapping or baby role playing. They steal photos of your children and make them their own. They say the child, your child, is theirs, they will go as far as making up new names, birth information. Oh it goes much deeper and much more creepier than this. I found this article with ease, and let me tell you, this is some really creepy horrifying stuff.

https://www.dailydot.com/irl/instagram-baby-roleplaying-rp-finding/

I would like to help you become more aware of how online you really are, and to help you find more ways to stay safe. To find out just how much you know about cyber security, click the link below to take this quiz. I took the time to take this quiz, I only got 6 out of 10 answers correct, which is higher than 73% of the public that took the quiz. Now, I know the only reason I could answer a couple of the questions is from doing the research for this article.

http://www.pewinternet.org/quiz/cybersecurity-knowledge/

Your smart phone: How well are you protected while you are on it. Do you follow the safety protocols for it? If you don’t, you should. This was very enlightening

http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/03/15/many-smartphone-owners-dont-take-steps-to-secure-their-devices/

Are you one of the password challenged like in this article?

http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/01/26/many-password-challenged-internet-users-dont-take-steps-that-could-protect-their-data/

Now I could keep adding links from http://www.pewresearch.org/   but I think it would be better, for you to go and do some reading on your own. They have done some amazing research at this company, and I think you will find it as enlightening as I have.

My hopes are that you take the time to make sure your online identity is safe and totally secure. If not I hope that this article will bring it to light for you and help you find ways of being as safe and secure as you can be while you are online.

Thank you for taking the time to be here with me today!

Nikki